Middle Schooler Survival Guide, Part 1

Since this is apparently the Kreider corner, and Catalina isn't the only Kreider, I need to leave my mark. Since my style and thought process is a bit different, and since Catalina's style is so...thorough, I'm just going to write down some random thoughts that have been going through my mind recently.

I really have a desire to get published for a book at some point in my life. I've thought about going the easy route and paying some student to be my illustrator while I masterfully create five syllable sentences for a kid's book, but my aspirations are slightly higher than that. One of my more recent desires was to get published for my master's thesis, but honestly, those publications are pretty common, and your journal gets lost in the shuffle of others that are nearly exactly the same, differing only slightly in their proposal. With these types of ideas coming and going, it finally hit me that I should just create a book that fits my personality and my expertise. Therefore, I've decided to create a survival guide for middle school students. Thus far I have come up with two survival tips, but am in the process of creating more. Here are the first two I'll put up for your opinions.

1. The Flip: It's inevitable. Every class has that annoying kid. Some sympathy for him (not her, because girls are more mature than this) may exist, as his behavior is quite possibly a result of self-defense. His self-evaluation and realization that he is socially unacceptable no matter what, causes him to attempt to bolster his image by seemingly not caring about his image - so much so that he actually counteracts the norm. And what's more, in this process he has a decent chance to shift the focus of the peers to another, who fails to avoid the spotlight of embarassment for a moment. Nevertheless, as a co-middleschooler, you cannot allow your social comparability to be questioned, even if that means the degradation of another. He started it anyway.

One of the tactics employed by such people is the copycat. This technique lures another into an embarrassing state, as any conversation that issues forth from the victim's mouth is taunted and tightens the noose of humiliation bit by bit. So as a first year middle schooler, what do you do? Rather than explain at once, let's do a play by play:

1. Victim: Hey, how's it going?

2. Antisocialist: Hey, how's it going?

[Here is where the key lies. As the victim, you MUST strike at once, as shown below]

3. Victim: Hey, how's it going?

[What type of strike is that, you ask? Continue reading...]

Antisocialist: Hey, how's it going?

Victim: Hey, how's it going?

Antisocialist: Hey, how's it going?

Victim: Hey, how's it going?

Antisocialist: (Sigh)

[Now you have him! The whole point of this tactic is to only be copied once. While the antisocialist may have copied your very first phrase, you copied his copy in step #3. So after step #3, provided you had the endurance and the patience to see this battle to the end, the control was in your hands. It was YOU who was copying the copycat, not the copycat copying you. Since he probably has no clue what your scheme is, he will inevitably slip up, and then you flip the copy. Now he not only looks like the annoying individual he is, but you gain social standing, brought into the spotlight not of your own desire, but leaving with success of your own device.)

Victim: (Sigh)

2. The Turn

Another method that will be used to degrade your standing is brought on largely by the early maturation of those whose sex differs from yours (if you're a male). But this may also apply to those who are picked on and called names. Take a look at the following example.

*(You're chewing your food at the lunch table, as the oldest girl of a family looks over at you. Being a natural mother/boss due to the extensive care she has given to her younger siblings in the many decades she has attended to them, she notices that you chew like a pig)

Mother/Boss: Eww! Look at him! He chews like a pig.

(This is the moment where time stops, and all eyes are on you. This is where the turn comes in.)

Victim: Excuse me, I feel uncomfortable with you coming on to me like that in public. I'm not interested in you.

Mother/Boss: What are you talking about?

Victim: Did you or did you not just call me an animal (or beast, depending on which term would imply more affinity)?

(At this point in time, the mother/boss is trapped. She can't deny that she has called you an animal/beast, as a pig would fit either category. If she does, you can argue that with her and maker her look dumb. If she does acknowledge that she called you an animal/beast, then she looks dumb. While it may not win you points with the girl crowd, sinking back into your sty just acknowledges that you are in fact a pig, at least to all the girls looking over at you. This will definitely win bonus points with the guys, it may give you some wit points with the girls, and it may just prevent someone from messing with you in the future. It may not be a win/win, but at worst it's a tie. This can be done with nearly every name you're called, but creativity is the key. Just be sure that you practice in your mind when this happens to others. If you're good at it, you shouldn't get too much practice on yourself.)